Sunday, 25 October 2015

New and Improved.

I'm not really sure how to start my post, so a bit like everything else I do I'm just going to write the rest of it and hope that a spark of intelligence will deliver something both witty and banterous. If not hi, welcome back, long term no post etc.....


Why have I decided to come back?
This is the question I've been asking myself for a while now, am I sure? Am I ready? Am I actually committed this time around? Whilst the uncertainty was eating away at myself self-assurance, I realised I don't need to answer all of these, so what if I don't do this for a long period of time or if I won't be able to prioritise it. Whilst everything around me is changing at such a rapid pace, university applications, choices, exams and just generally growing up in a developing society where all teenagers are riddled with insecurities, I decided I need a place when I can have a voice, my own personal platform that I wouldn't let anyone judge.

And then I had a set-back.
Yesterday I officially confirmed to myself (and my twitter followers) that I'd start blogging again and then I received a notification from my friend telling me to check facebook. There it was. A flashing red light that made me feel like I was back to four years ago- insecure with very little knowledge of who I was and who I wanted to become. Oh, how much has changed. Not really, but for the potential younger readers I think I should be a little bit more enthusiastic so....life does get better!! You do get better! 
(actually you don't, life still sucks but you'll grow more spiteful and the satirical banter will be on point)

That was all a bit vague, so I'll throw in some more details. A friend of mine posted a youtube video I once made around four years ago, where the initial confidence boost from blogging for a full year led me to the idea that I should start a youtube channel. How naive I was, I wasn't ready for the rawness of being on camera - I was like a deer in headlights. Blogging was and definitely is more suited for me. When I saw the post and I saw the jokes that my friends were making, I felt like I was feeling the same emotions that little, insecure Perd felt at that young age. The initial fear I felt was overwhelming and I even considered starting a new blog, which nobody knew the name of, only for me - and that was if I even had the nerve to start blogging again. I was overwhelmed and thrown-back into a bad time for me. I finally thought I had the ability to have a platform for my thoughts, in which nobody else could judge me. Ignorance is bliss, am I right? Reality hit and I remembered that we're in the 21st century. We get judged for whatever we do, whatever we say, whoever we are. And then it all snapped together again, I'm not going to let our dictatorial culture hinder me, if i want to have a place to share my thoughts, I'll have it and if you want to judge me, you can go fuck yourself go and press that little red 'x' in the corner of the page and shut my blog. 

What's going to be different?
Blogging has been pivotal for me since I was around thirteen. Over time my interests have clearly changed and I've almost become a different person to who I was back then. The new and improved WatermelonRaindropX, hopefully, will reflect this. The content will probably divert itself from fashion and beauty, I want a place where I can document my fleeting memories, my friends, my experiences. I want to remember these years. Could I potentially call the new and improved WatermelonRaindropX (NAIWMRDX?) my memoirs? Maybe. We'll see.


Disclaimer: I completely understand that my friends weren't being spiteful and malicious in their intentions and I can see the humour in it etc so no need to worry, for any of my friends that actually read this. Also as you can tell, I still couldn't think of an introduction. And I'm hoping to do a blog makeover as soon as possible, I wanted to do it before I first posted but I wanted to write this before my cowardice to get the better of me. 

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