Inadequacy

Not sure how this post will go, or if I'll even post it but I felt an urge to write about what's bothering me.

inadequacy

ɪnˈadɪkwəsi

noun: the state or quality of being inadequate; lack of the quantity or quality required, often linked with inability. 

The main symptoms of inadequacy, as labelled my therapists would be:

• anxiety
• heightened self-criticism
• low self-worth
• perception of failure
• fear of rejection
• the inability to accept praise 

At one time or another, we're all bound to feel inadequate. With feelings of inadequacy, comes feelings of low self-worth, shame, powerlessness and jealousy.

For everyone, inadequacy is triggered by different things, with the most common amongst the lines of financial inadequacy or physical inadequacy. For me, I could probably constrict the sources of my inadequacy to physical inadequacy, intellectual inadequacy and social inadequacy. I'm not a therapist or a self-help blogger but I think writing and organising my thoughts might actually be beneficial for me, and maybe one of you too?

I'm tempted to go into why I feel inadequate in regards to those attributes but these words are immortalised on the internet and I'm not sure if I'm prepared to have my insecurities entrenched on TNAIWMRDX*. Perhaps maybe a summary. 

- I can probably say the root of my physical inadequacy would be a mixture of childhood incidents and the media, where photoshop and an emphasis on 'beauty' fills the front pages. It's hard to look in a mirror and to think to yourself that you'll never like what you'll see, that you'll never be good enough - even for yourself. I can't remember not being like that. It can be soul destructive. 

- I feel as if I could blame intellectual inadequacy on being jealous of my older sisters growing up. Both my sisters have always been smart and talented and I always thought they were both perfect. We all have grown up going to the same school, where our similarities have led us to do the same subjects with the same teachers. In a small school, where siblings are quite close in year groups, teachers can almost find it difficult to not compare them. Very early on in my academic career I was told by a teacher that I was never as good as my sister. This teacher hadn't ever taught her! I remember that night, where I got home and went through all of my work - crossing it all out and doing it all again in tears. Ever since then slight comparisons, even compliments, have made me feel like that again. My GCSEs probably spurned this on the most, where I managed to get overall grades lower than both my sisters. Generally this wouldn't be a problem, we try and not compare ourselves to each other and my mother certainly does not compare us, but after that it was intrinsically engraved in my mind that.....I'm going too into this and just decided to cut this off, I don't want to dissect my mind right now but just whilst writing this I could probably say that this is my biggest problem. Such a tease.

- My social insecurity is probably the most common out of all of them. Am I balancing my time right? Do I prioritise my friends too much? Do people actually want to be my friend? How real actually am I with my friends? I think these issues are directly branched from my negative view of my physical and mental ability, as mentioned previously. 

Researching this topic and now writing about it, I almost feel as if the feelings of inadequacy are totally in my head - even though I know they are very real and almost violent. Often the reason why people continue to feel inadequate is because they put the emphasis on negative reinforcement rather than positive reinforcement and I am definitely guilty of this. If someone insults me just once, even if they follow it with a thousand compliments, my heart and my mood will still sink a bit. It can almost be as physical as actually flinching and curling inwards at the comment. Before doing research and organising my thoughts, I thought this was just blatant emotional sensitivity, but now I'm almost certain it's to do with feelings of inadequacy.

I'm not saying that the solution to help those suffering and feeling inadequate is to lather them in compliments, as we probably would start thinking the praise is insincere. I'm not sure. perhaps we should all take an effort to be less critical and to those with negative instincts, maybe to offer more benefit of the doubt to the speaker. I think it's going to be one of my personal goals of this year to reduce my negative vibes and I'm tempted to document my progress on TNAIWMRDX.

If I want to become the best Perd I can be, I think it's almost necessary that I change my opinion of myself. If I'm more accepting of myself, I'll be more accepting of others. And vice versa. I think we should all make a greater effort to accept ourselves. I've spent days writing this post, it hurts to see how much I don't like myself and it hurts knowing that the majority of people will feel this way. Even in the media, pop-culture is so enthralled with inadequacy and insecurities as seen in the gifs I inserted - it kills me knowing that so many people feel this way. Even though this post isn't exactly helpful, it's something I would like to help more and spread awareness of even more. 

I think for teenagers in the 21st century, it's hard not to feel inadequate. For me, the main reason why I want to tackle my negative outlook is that suffering from feeling inadequate can lead to a lack ambition and further procrastination. I refuse to let my inadequacy interfere with my future and you shouldn't either. 

TNAIWMRDX - the new and improved WatermelonRaindropX

New and Improved.

I'm not really sure how to start my post, so a bit like everything else I do I'm just going to write the rest of it and hope that a spark of intelligence will deliver something both witty and banterous. If not hi, welcome back, long term no post etc.....

Why have I decided to come back?

This is the question I've been asking myself for a while now, am I sure? Am I ready? Am I actually committed this time around? Whilst the uncertainty was eating away at myself self-assurance, I realised I don't need to answer all of these, so what if I don't do this for a long period of time or if I won't be able to prioritise it. Whilst everything around me is changing at such a rapid pace, university applications, choices, exams and just generally growing up in a developing society where all teenagers are riddled with insecurities, I decided I need a place when I can have a voice, my own personal platform that I wouldn't let anyone judge.

And then I had a set-back.

Yesterday I officially confirmed to myself (and my twitter followers) that I'd start blogging again and then I received a notification from my friend telling me to check facebook. There it was. A flashing red light that made me feel like I was back to four years ago- insecure with very little knowledge of who I was and who I wanted to become. Oh, how much has changed. Not really, but for the potential younger readers I think I should be a little bit more enthusiastic so....life does get better!! You do get better! 

(actually you don't, life still sucks but you'll grow more spiteful and the satirical banter will be on point)

That was all a bit vague, so I'll throw in some more details. A friend of mine posted a youtube video I once made around four years ago, where the initial confidence boost from blogging for a full year led me to the idea that I should start a youtube channel. How naive I was, I wasn't ready for the rawness of being on camera - I was like a deer in headlights. Blogging was and definitely is more suited for me. When I saw the post and I saw the jokes that my friends were making, I felt like I was feeling the same emotions that little, insecure Perd felt at that young age. The initial fear I felt was overwhelming and I even considered starting a new blog, which nobody knew the name of, only for me - and that was if I even had the nerve to start blogging again. I was overwhelmed and thrown-back into a bad time for me. I finally thought I had the ability to have a platform for my thoughts, in which nobody else could judge me. Ignorance is bliss, am I right? Reality hit and I remembered that we're in the 21st century. We get judged for whatever we do, whatever we say, whoever we are. And then it all snapped together again, I'm not going to let our dictatorial culture hinder me, if i want to have a place to share my thoughts, I'll have it and if you want to judge me, you can go fuck yourself go and press that little red 'x' in the corner of the page and shut my blog. 

What's going to be different?

Blogging has been pivotal for me since I was around thirteen. Over time my interests have clearly changed and I've almost become a different person to who I was back then. The new and improved WatermelonRaindropX, hopefully, will reflect this. The content will probably divert itself from fashion and beauty, I want a place where I can document my fleeting memories, my friends, my experiences. I want to remember these years. Could I potentially call the new and improved WatermelonRaindropX (NAIWMRDX?) my memoirs? Maybe. We'll see.

Disclaimer: I completely understand that my friends weren't being spiteful and malicious in their intentions and I can see the humour in it etc so no need to worry, for any of my friends that actually read this. Also as you can tell, I still couldn't think of an introduction. And I'm hoping to do a blog makeover as soon as possible, I wanted to do it before I first posted but I wanted to write this before my cowardice to get the better of me. 

Veganuary featuring Nakd and Natural Balance Foods

Hope you're all having an absolutely fab January - I know my year has started off fantastically and even better: my birthday is in less than two weeks! I also received the most exciting package from Natural Balance Foods with a bunch of Nakd goodies. As I've mentioned all over twitter and my blog before, I love the vegan lifestyle and I try to stick to it as often as possible. For 2015 I have pledged to follow veganuary - click the link to find out more about it! 

 I always find photographing plastic packaging so difficult - if WMRDX has any photographers reading this, I'd love to hear some tips in the comment section! I'm in desperate need of aid for photography skills. The food that isn't by Nakd, the chocolate buttons, gummy bears and chocolate spread, was bought from Holland & Barratt but I'm sure you can get them at Whole Foods and or online. 

Out of the food I bought myself, my absolutely favourite is the Organic Dairy Free (milk alternative) Chocolate Spread. When I wasn't vegan I rarely ate Nutella, but gosh I did love it! This is such a delicious vegan snack, I whip it on some rice cakes or strawberries for the best pick up. There is a strong hazelnut base in this - like in Nutella, but it tastes so much stronger and richer! It's a bit more of a crunchy texture but I absolutely love it.

The chocolate buttons are also such an amazing snack, I always crave a packet when watching Netflix. I haven't tried them for baking yet but I'm going to some time next week, hopefully I'll blog the recipe! The 'vegebears' are yummy and definitely satiate my inner sweet tooth but I'd prefer eating Wine gums (vegan) any day. 

Now onto the more interesting stuff! i was anticipating this package so much - so huge thank you to Natural Balance Foods and Nakd for keeping me full and happy during January. My favourite out of the two bars, Strawberry Crunch and Cocoa Mint, was probably Strawberry crunch! However, not photographed, I have a passion for their Cocoa Mania flavour. Strawberry Crunch has such a natural strawberry flavour - definitely not the usual artificial alternatives, and the crunch is so satisfying - its like almost a popping candy, biscuit texture mixed through the bar. My favourite thing about any of their bars is that they count towards 1/5 of your 5 a day (which is very important to achieve). For all you snackers and sweet toothes about their - keep an eye on their nutritional information because even though I have these as often as possible, they are quite high in sugar. After testing these all out, I ended up getting a bunch of my friends and family hooked on the cocoa Mint flavour - its one of the few mint bars, even including the non-vegan ones, where the mint is that fragrant and obvious.

The Fruit and Nut bites are also so amazing - and filling! i still find myself repurchasing bags of these just to fuel the addiction. They're so satisfying to eat and you always want another one, the vegan alternative to crisps or chocolate. This flavour is Chocolate Orange and it literally reminds me of a softer, less crunchy version of a Terry's Chocolate Orange. My mum keeps stealing packets of this because loves the flavour. Definitely one for those who like orange, I know I'll always keep buying these - they always will satisfy any craving!

Thank you so much Natural Balance Foods for this package, you've definitely got me hooked! I really recommend you check out their website for a great range of vegan snacks, including Nakd and TREK bars - which I absolutely love! let me know if you've taken up 'veganuary' and how you're handling it, any recommendations please comment below or tweet me! 

Disclaimer: Natural Balance Foods did send me the goodie bag but any thoughts or opinions about the products are completely unaffiliated. Nakd bars or any other sweet treats mentioned have completely honest thoughts written about them. Some food photographed as purchased with my own money.

Monograms (Collection/Haul)

Back again! Hope everyone is having an absolutely fab week, back to the jobs or back to school make sure you're all finding time to wind down, relax and enjoy yourselves! Today's post is slightly unconventional, and lets not forget almost pointless, but I was in the mood to blog and I saw my monogram stickers out the corner of my eye and thought why not. I guess you can say this a collection or haul but whatever, I thought you might see some humour in hoarding my initials. I originally saw monograms on SarahBelle93X's youtube, whom I absolutely love by the way - definitely one of my favourites, who too is a monogram junky and is infamous for saying 'if it doesn't move - monogram it!' Must say I agree, if I do say so myself.

Cheeky disclaimer before I start: this post is not sponsored, Zazzle nor any other brand is affiliated with this post or even know I'm doing it. All products featured were paid for by myself and nothing was scored from any connections or contracts or any other sort of sponsorship. All photos were taken on an my iPhone 6 (sorry for bad quality) and edited on 'Afterlight'. 

These here are my monogram stickers, that I have in three different colours. I know monograms are meant to have a middle name on the right, I don't actually have one - even though I'm convinced it's Dragon. My initials are 'PS' and I bought them in pink and white chevron, black and white damask and mint and navy print. They all came from zazzle.co.uk and cost £11.60 (without shipping)for 60 in total (20 of each). I bought them at a time of sale though, originally they were around £4.45 each, with the cheapest being the black and white ones for £4.  Annoyingly each of these designs came from three different designers. The pink came from stripedhope, black and white from antiquechandelier and the mint and navy ones from FantabulousPatterns. Each sticker is 1.5 inches and confusing the stickers themselves, even though printed in squares, are only circles. I put them everywhere, from my laptop to the spine of each of my school binders and even one on each side of my planner. My favourite would be the green and blue ones - I love the pattern and the colour combo. 

This is what the stickers look like on my planner, on the back I have the mint and navy one too but I couldn't photograph it without giving away too many personal details.

As seen in the photo above, this is my iPad Mini case also bought from Zazzle.The designer this time was Graphics_By_Metarla. I really recommend this brand, it arrived super quickly and its so pretty! The iPad itself is silver and white and therefore matches perfectly. I love how simply and sleek it is! I currently haven't stuck one of my stickers on the plain white back yet, or on the black inner cover, but I think I will soon. Its super great quality. However it was quite pricy at £33.95, with almost £15 shipping. I managed to get several discounts, from student, to sales and managed to get the main price of the item down to £23.76. Personally I think its worth it, not only is it customized, but its of the best quality and it is going to protect it solemnly.

Mind the dirty folders and the blurry words but I thought I'd just end with a quick picture of how some my monograms look together on the binders. I have 5 school binders, each of which with one of the three monograms on and I absolutely love them. My school has a wall of 6th form pigeon wholes and even though they're assigned, everyone can spot mine right away thanks to the stickers on the spine! I love them and I can't wait to order more.

If it doesn't move, I'm 99% that I'll monogram it. Who else is a massive monogram junkie? Any recommendations? I think I want a wall hanging to go above my bed but who knows, we'll see what happens. 

Have a good week, Raindrops

Books of December 2014

What some of you may not know about me is that I'm an avid reader. In 2014 alone I managed to read 120 books on my Kindle, and I'm hoping another 120 in 2015. So I thought I'd just go through some of my most recent reads with a small review and summary and then some others I've read throughout 2014 because I've read so many amazing books, how ever will I be able to limit them down?

My Life Next Door - Huntley Fitzpatrick

This books about a senate's daughter who lives quite a lonely unhappy life in a small family, completely opposite to her neighbours' house. Samantha always watched the family next door through her window, with eight good looking and cool children, and wished she could participate in all their activities. Then one night Jase, one of the sons from next door, climb up onto her balcony and they get to know each other. This sounds like it could be another basic teenage love story but it really isn't! Yes there's love and arguments and family drama but I found it so completely different to the other books I read. It seems to almost be set in a slightly earlier time period but it was released in 2012 and nothing clearly says the year I think. I really recommend this book as Summer 2015s beach read.

Dark Places - Gillian Flynn

The Gone Girl author strikes again. In 2014 I managed to read all three of her books (Gone Girl, Dark Places and Sharp Objects) and I did love all three of them. However Gone Girl is one that everyone has heard almost too much about because its distracting people from Flynn's other novels that are as good! Dark Places is about a girl called Libby Day, who when she was eight witnessed her, fifteen year old, brother kill her two older sisters and her mother in some sort of demonic worship. Her brother's been in prison ever since. Libby is awoken by members of a group trying to resolve the case, is she sure she saw what she did? This book is horrific and challenging but ever so amazing. If you loved Gone Girl or are interested in reading more from her - read Dark Places. 

We Are All Completely Besides Ourselves - Karen Joy Fowler

This book seems to be on everyone's recommendation list and or to-read list yet I don't see the hype. The blurb and reviews just tell you to wait till 'Page 77' and all the secrets will be revealed. I don't want to ruin the book for you all, so I'm not going to say the secret but I was definitely disappointed. The twist, not being supernatural or unrealistic, made the book seem incompatible and barely possible to relate to! However I did like some of the characters in the book, especially Harlow and Lowell.

We Were Liars - E. Lockheart

One of my favourite books of the year without doubt. This is definitely a modern classic, when our children are in school this is the book their English teacher will force them to read. Its thrilling and ethereal and unlike We Are All Completely Besides Ourselves, you believe the plot twists. Its about the Sinclair family, who spend their summers on a private island called Beechwood. The 'Liars' themselves are called Cadence, Gat, Mirren and Johnny - 4 grandchildren of an aristocrat (except Gat - he's a friend of Johnny who comes to the island with them). Its set from Cadence's viewpoint and if I say too much it will ruin it but I totally recommend this. 

The Bitch Goddess Notebook - Martha O'Connor

I'm reading this at the moment and almost finished it but wow, its painful to read. The story is about three grown up girls, Cherry, Amy and Wren. Every chapter changes their view point and also alternates between the current day in 2003 when they're no long best friends, and in 1998 when they were all thriving together. The book is not one for the faint-hearted, featuring a lot of self-harm, alcohol, drugs and abuse - sometimes I even have to take a break when reading it. However, no matter how challenging it is to read the actual pain they're going through, its amazing that these characters are so realistic and alive that you actually emphasize with them. All three characters are relatable, even some of their situations are not (unless you can relate to teacher/student affairs) and you see how their past has affected their future. I'm enjoying reading their journey of their wrecked lives and I think some of you might too.

Eleanor and Park - Rainbow Rowell

Rainbow Rowell has had so much success this year and she really deserves it. She's published a few more novels, including the iconic Fangirl (a cult favourite) but personally I preferred Eleanor and Park. I loved the character of Eleanor mainly, I thought she was so sincere, and I loved how Park helped her. Eleanor was very poor, facing bullying and many problems at home, Park noticed this and started bringing her comics and eventually a friendship, then relationship formed. It is  sad book but they bring light to the other's eyes and its beautiful at the same time. I loved this book so much that the ending made me cry. Definitely read some of her books, I've bought two more of hers already for 2015!

Lovely Vicious - Sara Wolf

One of my favourite books ever I think. The first of a trilogy of three fantastic books but the first one is my favourite - I read it three times before I even realised it could be part of a trilogy. I love all the characters in it, they're all so broken, especially the protagonist's mother. Actually I think they are almost all as broken as each other - from Jack to Isis, to Avery and Sophia. I still get chills every time I read the end, the first two times made me cry. I think if you find yourself alone or upset one day - turn to this book! I can't explain it but the witty humour and the depth of each character will just change your mood around. I also loved the title of the first book, it always stood out to me - but then I realised the other two sequels of the trilogy were also named oxymorons 'Savage Delight' and 'Brutal Precious' and this quite annoyed me - can you get any more cliche, however I really do recommend them! 

Hardwired (series) - Meredith Wild

I had to include this, especially on my blog! What is meant to be a 50 Shades of Grey copy turned into a longer series - currently four books with a fifth being released in the spring, with more plot-lines than that of 50 Shades of Grey. However there are many similarities. personally my favourite thing about the book, instead of Christian Grey being an uber-billionaire trying to save the world, we have Blake Landon, also an uber-billionair, but earned by being a hacker. The girl on the other hand, Erica, is a bit more stubborn than Anastasia Steele, and is a blogger! With her own fashion network called 'Clozpin', I found that I instantly loved her. To all bloggers, fashion or beauty lovers read the Hardwired series even if its just to follow the journey of 'Clozpin'.

Panic - Lauren Oliver

Another amazing concept by Lauren Oliver. After the senior class has graduated, the majority of them can join the summer game 'Panic'. This is where each round they will all be tested to their furthest ability, pushing against their fears. In past years it has resulted in death and injuries - how will this year go? I loved the three main characters in this book and their relationships together - the end and plot twists were all building up to the most catastrophic final round. This book is definitely a page-turner and another fab beach read.

Fire and Flood - Victoria Scott

This is part of a trilogy that I haven't continued to read yet, but I will! Mainly because there is two aspects of the book I love. First is that its based off a game, consider it almost the maze in Maze Runner or the arena in Hunger Games, where the contestants are consisted of people who need a cure for a loved one. The main character's brother is dying and she is willing to participate, even if it could result in her death, to save him. The 'fire' and 'flood' refers to the two territories crossed in this book, a desert and rainforest. I found this a lot more heart-wrenching than the Hunger Games or Maze Runner, as the contestants have chosen to enter and its all for a greater cause. The second aspect I loved, unique to the book, were the 'Pandoras'. These are animal based companions all with almost robotic names but the protagonist nick-named hers Maddox. Maddox and all the other Pandoras have a special form, Maddox' is a small fox compared to massive lions and bears and even at one point a Pandora is a young boy. The relationship between the Pandora and owner is thrilling and heart-wrenching, especially if they got lost or killed as they help the contestants throughout the game.I really recommend this book for anyone who loved the Hunger Games.

These are all the books I'm going to mention right now, but I hope to do more of these posts. Comment down below if you liked them and what books you have read or want to read! Any recommendations are always greatly appreciated! 

2014 Finished // 2015 Started

Remember me? After many failed attempts, swearing to you all that I will get back into a blogging schedule in 2014 I was proven defeated. 2014, even though a great year, was stressful and busy and simply overwhelming to the point in which blogging became a thought in the back of my mind. However, now its 2015 - lets call it 'The Year of the Raindrops', and or as seen on my instagram 'The Year of the Perdragon'. 

Sitting here in my baby blue fleece pyjamas  with my Yankee Candle in Candy Cane Lane burning I thought lets start now. This post is going to be a summary of what I've learnt this year and my best experiences as well as what I will hope to happen in 2015.

1) Giving back is one of the most valued things a person can do

I had the opportunity to go to one of the most amazing countries in the world this summer, Costa Rica, and spend some time giving back. I wrote a post about this so I won't rant but I spent two weeks helping in three different schools in Quepos, San Jose and Turrialba with teaching, building and painting. It was one of the best life experiances I have ever had and one I will definitely do again. I think I'm going to start doing excursions like this as often as possible, it's so important to give back to a world that gives you so much. Whether its helping someone struggling crossing the road, or giving up your seat on public transport - you are benefitting someone. 

2) Traveling 
Please do not think I'm bragging when I talk about my experiences, I do have a job and I work hard to afford to travel but 2014 was a great year for me, I was able to see some amazing places. I started the year off in Phuket, Thailand and then Italy and Costa Rica in the summer and Greece in October and I've seen some of the most beautiful sites. 

3) Discovering the Vegan lifestyle
At the beginning of 2014 and in the end of 2013 I had two operations, minor ones, that put me on medication for months. This caused me to become sluggish, had breakouts and gain weight. In February I discovered the Vegan lifestyle in which I've always gone on again and off again, but I'm hoping in 2015 I'll be able to stay on it as much as possible. I've just discovered Trek bars and love them, especially the 'Peanut Power' one! 

4) Relationships and Friendships
This year all my friendships have definitely improved and I've gained so many close friends, especially girls, that I hope I will stay friends with throughout the years. Special credit goes to my girls of 2014: Martina, Millie, Sylvie, Tubby, Amy, Cat and Lia who have helped make this year amazing! I don't think any of them will ever even check this post out but these girls have all been so kind and friendly this year, some I only met or became close to this year, and they have literally helped 2014 become as amazing as it was. Some girls, even me, can say things like 'I get along better with boys than girls' or 'Girls don't like me', give them a chance - I did and they have definitely made my year better than I could have ever presumed.

5) Procrastination versus Working
This year, in February, not only did I get a part-time job but I've also started juggling that with my five AS levels, extra curriculars and social life - hence why blogging had to take a drawback. I've had to cancel plans with both family and friends to get my school work done and fit in 6 hours a week in at work but I've balanced it to a fine art. Around 4/5 weekdays I stay at school till around 7pm and do some work, I also try to do my school work on Friday nights or Saturday mornings and then also after work on Sunday evenings. This leaves me to have my social and family life, and blogging life, when I'm home and it allows me to relax. Gone were the days when I finished my weekdays at 4 and was left to do what I wanted. I tried that in September and I crashed and burned. My advice is reduce your social calender Monday-Friday, even if its just a coffee after school and it will pay off.

When I think of 2014, I think of those changes and improvements. 

2015
Now its 2015 and I want to make it bigger and better and try and complete as many goals on my list and complete some of my new years resolutions. These resolutions I've divided emotionally, physically and economically in my head but here they'll probably seem a bit more random. I've left out any blogging goals because for 2015 WMRDX isn't going to be about the statistics or numbers of viewers and hits but about enjoying blogging. However hypocritically, I do have some blogging goals! 

Pass my driving test
I've seen this on a few people's to-do list for 2015 and I totally agree. I don't turn 17 till February but I can't wait to start and I'm hoping I'll pass it within the year, hopefully by the summer so I can start cruisin'. 

Improve my foul mouth
What none of you do know about me is that my language is absolutely awful when it comes to swearing and its so unattractive. I've tried many times to reduce my cuss words, from swear jars to mental scoldings, and just nothing has worked but I'm hoping 2015 will be the year.

Save up to have £500 emergency savings
This may seem either a small number, especially for all you full-time workers, or a large number depending on whose reading but I decided I'm going to start saving up a fraction of my paychecks each month so that by the end of 2015 I can have at least £500 of savings to be spent on nothing - yet.

Go on a 'gurlz' trip and travel to somewhere new
These two go almost hand in hand but some of my friends and I all want to go on a massive group holiday this summer and I really hope we do. Some want to go on a dingy, motel, party island beach getaway whilst others want to hire a villa or stay in a house or apartment and have a couple of days pure relaxation. We'll see where this year takes us.

Eat as vegan as possible
This one is quite self-explanatory but when I am vegan I feel so energetic and light and bouncy, its something I always want to feel! Sometimes it can be overwhelming and when I'm tired or at school, eating a salad or some tofu is literally not what I want and ergo there is the 'as possible'.

Reduce the amount of arguments I get into 
This usually refers to boys - come on girls, we all get into this stage, right? When all you end up doing is arguing with the same people over the same reason over and over again? Well this year I'm going to try and reduce that - with everyone: boys, girls, friends, family and especially teachers.

Sing and laugh and become more free and involved
'Sing' is a totally unprofessional, I'll-smash-the-glass way not as in career. I want to be more light-hearted and go with the flow more. I may keep a strict schedule for my blog, work and social life but when it comes to relaxing and hanging out I want to be more free and active. I want to have more fun with my friends and make sure I laugh and enjoy myself every single day. I want to get more active within my school, community, blog, the world and my life in general to help me do so.
I hope this year brings you all the hope and happiness each one of you deserves. Thank you so much for sticking by me during 2014 - its means so much! Happy new year, 2015 will be yours for sure! 

Volunteering in Costa Rica

I know - awful blogger! But now I'm back for good - scheduling posts and everything! I'm in Greece next week so hopefully content should still be being posted. I have loads of content to deliver but I thought I would start you off slowly before I indulge you all in my recent makeup purchases and hauls and what I'm wearing and give you all a review of my trip to Costa Rica! I just July I travelled to Costa Rica to go volunteering across three schools in the country. I flew into the capital, San Jose, for a night then travelled to Quepos for a week, then to Turrialba for four nights and then back to San Jose! Quite a short trip, but definitely one of the best experiences of my life, I met amazing people, did amazing things, saw some of the most amazing sites and definitely ate amazing food! 

  

Very picture heavy - it's so hard to organize photos in a blog post! I tried my hardest, in the top half you see some of the photos I took whilst working in the schools. We were painting, building and teaching. The kids were amazing to be around - their spirits and attitude was amazing and so inspiring! If you look through the photos you see there is one of a mural outside a building - that's a school called Villa Nueva and we painted a mural on the kindergarten building. It was an incredible experience, we had each kid paint a flower into the bushes. In the other photos of the group and I you have pictures of us just after surfing, at dinner, just before we leave. I had a great time, we did so much! We even stayed in the depths of the jungle and rainforest for a few days, but I think I'm going to do a whole other post on 'Jungle Survival', coming into contact with spiders, snakes, scorpions, micro-pigs, sloths and monkeys! 

It was an amazing trip, I made such amazing friends and I gained so much from the experience. I'm so grateful to everyone who I was with, the volunteering company (GVI, who does great volunteering programs with Under-18s) and Costa Rica for being such a welcoming country.

If you want to check out more photos definitely go on my instagram: perdi_stoller to see everything from the sunsets, selfies, six-packs and waterfalls as well as my daily life! 

I'm so glad to be back and huge thank you to helping me reach over 200,000 views! That's massive and amazing and I never thought I would ever get to this place! Thank you so much for reading, bouncing, scrolling and definitely commenting and following!